A place for members of r/AITAH to chat with each other
In the morning my neighbor took their dog somewhere and later came back without him. He was old, and lived a good long life.
When they came back they were clearly trying to hold it together. The dog wasn't with them, as an adult looking at the situation it was obvious what had just happened. My daughter didn't see it (she's 15) and asked them where the dog was.
For a bit more context, you know how some kids are just massive animal lovers and are obsessed? Thats my daughter. she has very strong emotions around animals. She dreams of having lots of pets and owning land, and is actively participating in animal rights and volunteer groups.
They briefly said that the dog was put down and carried on walking inside. She started bawling and tried to ask questions on why and how could they do this. I immediately made her go inside.
I told her that its okay to be sad over this situation, it sucks. But its their dog and they are feeling 100x worse about it then she is. They need space and a bit of time and it wasn't an appropriate time or place to be asking them questions or even blaming them for the situation. She slammed her bedroom door on me and started scream crying.
My husband then had a go at me saying its her right to be sad over it and I shouldn't have gotten involved or interfered. I then told a couple of close friends about the situation and they told me that I shouldn't have told her off over it and that I wasn't allowing her to grieve properly.
I thought I was in the right, she's nearly 16. Its a teachable moment that sometimes horrible things happen but we need to control ourselves a bit and not make it about us. And also, she doesn't have a relationship with this dog. We say hello sometimes on the rare occasion we bump into them on a walk, but thats it. This isn't her first time experiencing a death either.
But maybe I should have approached it differently. What do you guys think.
Last summer my son stole $50 cash out of my wallet and caught. Disciplined & grounded for a month swore he would never do that again. Today, I find $70 cash missing. I went to our neighborhood convenience store and he bought him and his buddies a round of energy drinks and junk food totalling 50+ $$$. It was confirmed via CCTV and the clerk confirmed he was there this morning and it was him on camera.
I’m pissed! Since I can’t beat him like my parents would have, & the punishment didn’t work after last time, I was thinking cancelling Christmas would help get thru to him. Would that be too harsh?
Any advice welcomed!
My future MIL has a very unhealthy relationship with my fiancé, we are LC with her since he says she makes him feel uncomfortable by her constantly hugging and kissing him and also using him as her therapist (she’s been doing this since he was young, using him to help her solve her adult problems). She does this thing where she copies what I do to my fiancé, for instance, if I kiss his cheek she’ll find a way to do the same. I thought I was going crazy when I first noticed she does this so I tested it out by running my fingers through his hair and she did the same thing. My fiancé is in therapy and says they have an emotionally incestuous relationship which is toxic for them both so he’s trying to set boundaries with her so they can have a healthy relationship. So far it’s not really working since she doesn’t understand why she can’t force him to hug and kiss her or use him to help with her issues anymore. She cornered me at my future brother in law’s housewarming party and told me she feels like her and my fiancé’s relationship isn’t the same anymore, so she’d like to come on our honeymoon because he’ll be off work and they can talk things through and bond. Obviously I said no that’s not happening and this grown woman was genuinely shocked I said no. She kept asking why, what are you guys going to be doing that her and future FIL can’t be with us. She got the idea from Facebook apparently people have honeymoons with their friends now. I said we haven’t had two weeks to just be together since my fiancé got promoted at work a year ago, we’re both looking forward to being together. She said why can’t we all just be together, we won’t be all that busy since we’ve been to the country we’re honeymooning in countless times, we’ve seen all the tourist attractions etc so why can’t she come. She kept pestering me so I flat out told her I’d be having sex with her son all day everyday, every inch of that villa so we won’t really have time for all the things she wants to do with my fiancé. I thought this would make her uncomfortable and she’d realise how crazy her request is. I was wrong she said sex isn’t that exciting for us to spend all our honeymoon doing it, “there’s only so many positions” she said. She said some other things which still make me cringe a week later. Future MIL offered a comprise, she’d come week two of our honeymoon and bond with her son since he has a high stress job and is constantly working. She even said we can be as loud as we want, they won’t mind. I told her we’d just like to be alone enjoying each other’s company, we can plan a holiday next year.
Future FIL called me to personally ask that they come even for 5 days so they can bond with my fiancé, they used to be so close. I explained that we would be busy and we could plan a holiday next year. He seemed to understand but then messaged me at 1AM today to call me an AH who doesn’t care I’m ruining a mother and son’s relationship. Am I an AH? Future SIL called me to tell me her mother’s been crying for days because of what I said to her, she says to avoid more drama I should just give in because her mother will make my life a living hell. Should I?
I’m sorry this is so long and rambling. I still feel overwhelmed by everything.
TLDR: Many of my wife’s family members have inherited and died of a certain type of cancer. We found out my wife has it now, but she’s in the very early stages so it’s very treatable with a incredibly high chance of recovery. She said she refuses any sort of treatment (no matter how curable it is) even if she’ll eventually die without it, because she doesn’t want to get extremely sick from the chemo. She won’t talk to me and I yelled at her that if she won’t even try treatment for survival or even talking with me I couldn’t support her through this. She got angry, packed a bag, and now won’t answer my calls.
I (43M) have been married to my wife Jenny (42F) for 16 years now. We have two boys and a daughter (9M, 8M, and 6F). I don’t want anyone we know to read this and recognize the medical history so I’ll be vague in my descriptions.
A type of cancer runs through Jenny’s family genetically and has killed many of her relatives (including her mother and one of her sisters). I don’t know why, just bad luck I suppose. Obviously this is devastating for her so she sees a therapist once every two weeks to cope.
We’re lucky enough to be financially well off, so we saved up money over time and used egg donors for our kids. Now they don’t have the gene and that’s a big relief for both of us. Jenny usually regularly sees a doctor to see if see has a chance of being sick, but until now her scans have been clean.
It all changed around a week ago. Jenny got a big promotion around 7 months ago and we had to move to another state. She has a very high paying job with long hours so when we moved we agreed that I’d stay at home to watch the kids and organize the house. Sometimes I do some online work while the kids are at school but she’s the breadwinner for the most part. It took a little while but eventually we settled nicely into our new routine.
I feel awful now, but between her working so many hours at the new job and me learning about being a stay at home spouse the thought of getting a new, regular doctor slipped our minds. Most of the women in her family get the cancer in their 30s so I guess her age made us relax and stop worrying as much. Now it’s my biggest regret. We were both so busy we just kept on saying we’d do it later.
A little over a week ago she began to feel some mild symptoms that she assumed was just exhaustion or a simple cold. When they persisted we finally took her to the ER. After the examination it was devastating to learn she showed symptoms that suggested she had gotten cancer. She stated to hyperventilate at the news and it took me and a nurse a few minutes to calm her down. The doctor told us to go to a larger nearby hospital and we got an appointment as soon as possible. After a few tests they confirmed that she does have cancer.
Once we got there it was torture waiting for them to finish all their observations and tests. I couldn’t stop pacing around and she just looked numb even when I tried to hold her hand. After everything was complete the doctor sat us down and gave hopeful news. We had caught it much earlier than we suspected at first. He said after a few small treatments she should be alright. He even said if it suddenly got worse they’d just do a couple more aggressive treatments and there’d still be a very high chance of survival (when I say very high I mean around 90-95% chance of survival and recovery).
He was explaining some treatments to us and giving some dates that she could start until she just cut in and said she wanted to go home. Both the doctor and I were shocked but she just said she needed to think and would contact them soon. He reluctantly let us go and we drove home. In the car I said I loved her and tried to sound optimistic and say we’re very lucky to have caught this early enough to have a real fighting chance and that I’d support her the whole way. Almost all of her deceased family members caught it late, or had a type that was so aggressive there wasn’t much they could do.
Finally she bluntly stated she wasn’t doing any treatments. I thought she was joking at first but she was dead serious. I begged her why and she teared up saying she didn’t want to spend the end of her life confined to a bed too sick to even speak with her kids. Many of her relatives (her mom and sister especially) were extremely miserable and in pain at the end of their lives due to the radiation and chemo. I told her how they had caught it to late and were labeled at terminal from the beginning (unlike her) and she had a much higher chance of survival without getting nearly as ill. She stated she didn’t want to get her or the kids’ hopes up.
I’m not saying I want her to suffer just to die in pain anyways. I just wish she’d at least be open to trying some treatments first. If things went south and showed that the treatments were only giving her more pain rather than a cure I’d fully support her in wanting to stop them and die peacefully. Im scared if we don’t treat this soon the cancer might progress into something that would take a much more aggressive regimen of medications to treat. Those would definitely make her very ill and in pain compared to what the not so aggressive treatment options now would do.
This came as such a surprise I decided to give her the night to think and calm down. The next morning she said the same thing. We haven’t told the kids yet and I have no idea what to do. The cancer is very treatable now, but if she does nothing she’ll most likely be dead in 2-4 years (maybe sooner). She won’t listen to me and just insists on enjoying the end of her life. I’m so frustrated and said because it doesn’t have to be the end of her life. She’s been avoiding me and refuses to sit down for a real conversation to discuss our feelings.
I’ve pleaded with her several times to see a couples therapist together even for just one session. Obviously I’m very caught up in my own emotions right now and I feel like a professional would help me express my thoughts in a way that would get my point across without causing more damage. She says her own therapist is good enough and agrees with her. She won’t attend even a single couples counseling session. She yelled at me for stressing her out.
I regret saying this now but during that argument I yelled back that if she’s won’t even talk to me (in depth, preferably with a therapist) about what she’s thinking I won’t support her decision to just wait for death without even trying to live or at least work through things.
This really set her off and she called me all sorts of names and insults. I’ve never seen her this angry. It was so loud she woke up the kids by slamming doors. They came out the the hallway as she was shaving her clothes in a small suitcase. Of course the kids were very confused. When they asked her what was wrong she yelled that “daddy wants me to die alone and miserable because he can’t man up and deal with this family by himself”. Two of the kids started to cry but she just stormed out and went to her other sisters home.
She blocked my phone and when I tried to call her sister she just said my wife needed some space for now. That was all the explanation I got before she blocked me as well. It’s been a little while now and I told the kids mom was just stressed because she had some big work trip and would be home soon. This is all so devastating.
I’m worried that now she thinks the only reason I’m so strong on this point is because I want to her to stick around for the money. Of course that’s not it. If she got sick enough to be bed bound or needed some time to rest up in peace and quiet I’d go back to work in a heartbeat and find care for the kids so she could rest. I just want her to stay with us because we all love her so much no matter what.
I don’t want my kids to lose their mother and I don’t want to lose my wife. I truly love her and I regret lashing out like that. I’m terrified now she’ll never speak to me again until she’s already dead, but I just wish she would explain in more detail why she won’t even give treatment a try. I feel like a selfish jerk now. I was so desperate and distressed at the thought of her dying (when there’s a nearly 100% chance she’ll live with the treatment) that I lashed out and only pushed her further away. My fear of losing her made me make the whole thing about myself and I just want her to come home so I can tell her I’m sorry and ask for a second chance. AITA?
Long story short, I (m30) really dislike my wife’s (f33) sister (f21). She is the spoiled golden child who has never heard "no" in her life. I hate this type of mentality in women. In September, she moved in with my wife and me when she got accepted last minute into pharmacy school (she had a reserved spot, and they called a week after the school term began) in our city. The problem with our city is that there’s a shortage in housing, and it could take years to get an apartment, so she moved in with us.
It was alright in the beginning, but then she started changing. One day she came home after a party while I was gaming. She said that she was jealous of the relationship between my wife and me and the love we have. She said that it was unfair that, while she is the beautiful one, she only gets the crappy boyfriends who cheat and are assholes, while her sister has the dream life. I was understanding and told her that she was still young and that she would find her match eventually, and not to worry about it. I didn’t make a fuss about this because she was drunk and depressed, but my suspicions about her being disagreeable, arrogant, and rude were confirmed.
I thought she wouldn’t remember her drunken bitter remarks, but then I noticed her being more flirtatious. When I’m home, she is always in tiny clothes and always makes sure to stay home when I work from home. I was working from home last Friday, and she just entered the kitchen in only pants. I said, "For f***'s sake," and she said, "Oops, I forgot that you are home," which is a lie because she knows I work from home on Fridays. Then she laughed and said that it wasn’t something I haven’t seen and that she’s the newer and improved version. I am (my wife’s name) 2.0.
I was livid and left home. Now this week, I have been contemplating just telling her that I don’t want her in my home anymore. I really dislike this poor excuse for a woman. But it would hurt my wife. If I tell my wife what she is doing, it will hurt her too to know what her sister is doing. Also, the sister will definitely have to leave school or take a break. But I don’t know if I care.
I don't think I'm the asshole at all in this, but I still would like some opinions of people who aren't involve in the situation.
Okay, I (28F) was never close to my parents. They had me when they were really young, and I think they kinda resent me for that. Because I was always a well behaved kid in their eyes (I kept my messes during my teenage years pretty well hiden), I had good grades, a job, I got into a good college but it wasn't enough for them.
I gave up with trying, and I kept minimal contact with them when I moved out. You're not supposed to fight for the love of your parents. However, I was always pretty close with my little sister (16F), and I was around mostly just to be around her.
I finished my career, got a great job and I got married three years ago. And two years ago, I had my first baby girl. This caused my family to be closer, especially my little sister with my baby and my husband.
A year and half ago, my parents began to come home alone. I kept asking about my sister, but they said that she just didn't want to come. I thought it was weird because she loves to come over, but my parents told "she's just a teen being a teen". My sister wasn't responding to my texts (She always responded to my texts), so I send her an e-mail, and she responded a couple of days later. She said she was bussy with homework, but I had a feeling that it was bullshit.
I ended up driving to my parents house when I knew they weren't home, and I asked my sister what was going on. She panicked, but I comforted her and I told her she could tell me anything. She broke down crying and confessed to me that she likes girls and our parents had grounded her for it and told her I would never accept her. I comforted her and assured her that I had to no issue with her liking girls.
I was furious at my parents. So freaking mad for doing this to someone so young and for lying her about it.
I called my husband and I asked him if he was okay with my sister staying over there, he responded he was, but he asked why, and I told him I would explain once I was there. I send my sister to pack all her things and I told her that she was going to stay with me. She just nodded and did what I said.
I drove her home and I explained my husband the situation, and he was just as disgusted with what my parents did as I was. My sister told me they took her phone and laptop away, and she responded to my e-mail from one of the computers of the school.
We took my sister's thing to the guest room, and when she fall asleep I begin to talk with my husband about what could we do, and the option of becoming her legal guardians was on the table.
The next day, I went back to my parents house and I berated them for what they have done to their own daughter. They told me she was sick and they refused to have a daughter like that. They said so many awful things about her that it almost made me throw up right there, and I told them to fuck off and I went home.
Long story short, we eventually did became her legal guardians after months of fighting. I only put her two conditions: To behave well and to work hard on school. She started to get bullied at her catholic school for being a lesbian, and my husband and I planned to move out of the city. We asked what she thought about it and well, she agreed.
We signed her up on a none catholic school, I put her on therapy (Not that I think she has any kind of problem, but just to prevent. She needed to talk with a profesional after everything that has been going on in her life), she started piano lessons and she's doing great at school and made some friends. I got her a new phone and a new laptop.
We cut off our parents for good. We didn't see them in over a year, but it seems like they started to miss my sister, because last week, they begin to call me and they told me I was an asshole for taking her daughter away from them. Again, my simple response was to tell them to fuck off, and my sister doesn't want anything to do with them, and I don't want them in my life either.
Anyway, am I the asshole?
I left my husband, he "tried to k*ll himself" but the attempt made laugh and everyone's calling me an a*hole for it. Aitah
The relationship has been consistently bad. I really tried to make things work, he didn't, and it was BAD bad. It got to the point it was so bad it's hard to even explain you guys. Not just cheating but obsessive and possessive behavior, to me and the women he was cheating on me with. To the point he had been served 3 restraining orders. I felt trapped, he'd destroy my purse, throw my keys into a nearby pond. He would destroy my phone when I'd try to leave. Id walk miles to get away from him to my parents house in a dark country road and he'd barrel down in his car trying to hit me to "protect me"... Because theres coyotes and Bob cats and dangerous people out there, and told me and the police that he was trying to hit me to immobilize me so I'd have to get into the car and be safe. Yeah. It was bad.
Well, at one point I had finally planned and started executing my escape. I had my things packed and moved, I coordinated a place to stay, I had to do it all fast while he was at work. But he knew and showed up (later found out he had secret cameras all over the house to monitor me). He fought me, physically emotionally everything, but it didn't work I was already leaving.
That's when he came out with one last big attempt. He blocked the truck my friend was driving, he stood in front of it screaming crying that he was going to puke. We both yelled at him to move. He said, if I don't turn around right now he's going to kill himself. We both tensed. I honestly don't know what he's capable of, what weapon he's got, if he's doing to hurt himself or us. We know inside the house he's got a gun , he's always messing with it and hiding it and I currently didn't know where it was, so I'm beginning to panic and trying to discreetly reach for my phone to call for police.
That's when it happens. He lifts something to his wrist and says "I'll do it, I'll slit my fcking wrist right here!"
I'm his hand, he's holding his electric razor. The kind with the round flexible trimmers at the top.
I couldn't help it. I don't know if it was the adrenaline, but the sudden change up from rushing to leave and trying to get out and then legit thinking someone was about to die to suddenly seeing someone threaten to take their life with such a comical items, I busted out laughing. Yes I understand that's insensitive if someone was really going to hurt themselves ( honestly I don't think he ever was going to, it was a manipulation tactic, and if he was he wouldn't have picked that) but it just came out.
He got pissed at us laughing. He just sulked away and we drove off. I honestly thought I was going to faint after that, like the tension of all that to finally feeling safe, it was like my body excited to give out right then.
Ok so all that happened. We get to my new place my friends come to help me unpack and get settled. I had told my friends what happened and how I laughed and it was only then that he finally let us leave. They had some idea of how bad the relationship had gotten, but they're really upset at me now. They can't believe I would treat anyone going through that kind of mental state that way. They agree it's a dumb thing he did, but they think laughing at it was the worst thing I could do. They think if anyone threatened to do that in front of them they'd be horrified regardless of what item they picked up. It's hard for them to understand the rollercoaster of reaction, the extreme terror and fear, it's not like I was being cold it was a reaction in the moment. Now I feel like I've left that bad situation and my reaction is now making my friends think I'm just as bad as him. I'M worrying I'm just as bad as him. I feel like I'm making excuses about it because the situation but the truth is that I'm not a good person. Aitah
AITAH for telling my half sister that she’s a hypocrite for accepting money from an “immoral” source?
My (17F) half sister Amber (21F) and I have never gotten along. We have the same mom but different dads. Amber has always hated me and my dad. She wasn’t able to accept that our mom moved on after divorcing her dad and even though mom had equal custody of her and she lived with us half the time, she either ignored my dad and I or made our lives hell until she moved out to college when she was 17.
Among the reasons Amber hates my dad is because she believes his job is immoral. My dad owns a casino. Amber believes his casino is taking advantage of people with gambling addictions and the money our family has is formed out of ruining other peoples lives. She insults my dad every chance she gets because of this and our mom has kind of just given up in trying to get her to stop.
On thanksgiving, she was back home and she was spending it with us and the entire extended family. Some family members were asking me about college plans and I said I’m applying to ones out of state. Amber laughed and said “of course you’d do that with daddy’s stolen money”. I told her that if she hates “daddy’s stolen money” so much, she shouldn’t be in this house that he bought, shouldn’t be eating any of the food that he paid for, and shouldn’t accept a dime from our mom because that’s money dad made from the casino (our mom was a SAHM and couldn’t go back to work when we grew up because of major health problems). So any money that mom had to pay for Ambers needs and wants while growing up and even now because mom sends her money sometimes, is the “stolen money”.
She said it’s not her fault her mom is financially dependent on my dad and she has no choice. I said now she absolutely has a choice. She is 21 and can pay for her stuff herself if she thinks the money was made immorally. I told her she’s a hypocrite and should either shut up or not ask our parents for a dime again.
I don’t think I did anything particularly wrong but my mom is still begging me to apologise to Amber and I said no. AITAH?
I’m pregnant with twins and I’ve just entered my final trimester. Since telling my in-laws we were expecting my MIL has been begging to be in the delivery room to watch me give birth because she hasn’t had the opportunity to watch any of her grandchildren be born, she told me since twins aren’t common in my husband’s family but are in mine, my mother shouldn’t be in the delivery room…she should. My husband and I have told her no countless times and she acts like she understands then she brings it up again.
During a family dinner party MIL cornered me and told me she’s bought a new phone so that I can call her when I’m in labour. I told her that was nice but I won’t be doing that and she’ll meet the twins when they’re 6 weeks like everyone else. MIL said “I’m not like everyone else, everyone else didn’t make the twins an £xamount trust, everyone else didn’t volunteer to send the twins to private school etc”. We never asked her to do any of these things! We’re perfectly capable of taking care of our children without her help. She then told me if she’s not in the delivery room then we’re not getting a cent from her. Finally (because of my crazy hormones and her audacity) I snapped at her and told her we don’t need her money and she’s twisted if she thinks we’ll let her do what she wants because she has money. I told her she’s not the twins mum and she should stay in a grandparents place. I firmly told her she’s not coming to watch me give birth, if she tries to come in my midwife will have her forcibly escorted out of the hospital. I told her these aren’t her babies no matter how many ugly bibs she buys that say so. I also told her she’s not in control of how I give birth, I don’t care what she thinks and that an epidural will be entering my body, since I made the mistake of telling her my birth plan she’s sent me fear mongering Facebook posts about the dangers of epidurals. This is my first pregnancy and knowing my pain tolerance I know gas isn’t going to be enough.
I grabbed my husband and left, apparently after we left she came into the living room in tears. She told everyone she had kindly asked to be in the living room and I angrily verbally attacked her. MIL says she thought I was going to beat her up. I’ve explained what actually happened and my in-laws are telling me subtly that I’m an AH and should just let her in my delivery room to avoid drama.
AITAH for giving my husband's "half-cooked" sister-in-law a reality check about her bullshit at a family gathering.
My (f25) husband (m29) has a very delusional sister-in-law (f27) who we will call Kelly. Kelly is the girlfriend of my husband's late brother. They were not married but was allowed to be called sister-in-law for the sake of their 4yr old son, hence the title "half-cooked sister-in-law". Kelly was actually a nice person at first. But her delusional tendencies just goes over the top. She once had a cousin of my husband accused of seducing her. Cause in her words "he was madly in love with her", which was never true as he actually was the same to everyone else as he was with her. My issues started with her when she started targeting my husband and requesting all kinds of bullshit from him. She once asked him to sleep in their unit cause she said her son was scared. Mind you they only had one bed and it was on the floor in the middle of a tiny square room which was the whole unit. We asked her to just come over to our home which was bigger and had enough space for her to stay for a while. Since we also have aspre room she and the child could use. She refused and insisted on my husband to come over. My husband refused and told his mom who had Kelly go over to their house and stay for a while. Second incident was when she insisted that my husband should go with her and her child to the mall and spend some time together. Cause according to her, she needs help cause "she's a helpless single mother with a fatherless child. And her child needs a father figure." My husband asked if I could go with them but she made excuses why I can't go. My husband then outright refused and said to just bring the maid assigned to her kid. Cause my mil sponsored a maid for them after all the things she complained about.
After all that Kelly starts to pick on things my husband likes. He likes that I wear skin tight dresses and leggings cause it complemented my bumm. She started wearing the same clothes. My husband likes the certain food I make for him. She learns how to make the food and purposely making too much so she can give some to him, in front of me. With a shit eating smile. And it did not stop there. She also tries to copy me as much as she can. Whenever I buy something new she buys the same thing the next 3 to 4 days. My husband and I like dogs so I adopted a puppy. And what do you know, she has one a week after. She copies everything, clothes,makeup, jewelry,etc. It was getting a little creepy.
Until one day at a family gathering she just outright stated that my husband's nephew, her child, looks so much like my husband and would pass off as his kid. And my husband looks nothing like his nephew. His nephew literally has his late father's face, like it was copied and pasted. While my husband and his brother look nothing alike. I blurted a very audible "no they don't". which was followed by my husband's sister saying "are you blind? The look nothing like each other. I would say he has his father's face." Kelly then responded "actually people would mistake them like a father and son." She then proceeds to whip out her phone and show the wallpaper of it as my husband and his nephew smiling together. I look at the phone and her and said "oh is this why you've been trying to get my husband's attention the whole time" Confused my mil asked "what do you mean?" I then casually said "well why don't you ask Kelly. She's been trying to get my husband alone with her for sometime now. Good thing you son's not an idiot." Kelly the shouts " what the hell is your problem? I was just trying to give my son some normalcy and experience having a family and a father." "By trying to take my husband?!? You are a home wrecker in the making. A stalker and a creep. No wonder no one would date you. God , your child would be better off without his whore of a mom in his life." I yelled back at her. I stood up and thanking everyone for their time and proceeded to leave with my husband.
Onthe way home my husband told me what I said wasn't nice. I asked him if he was defending her. He said no, he said that Kelly deserves to be told off but not in a humiliating manner and definitely not Infront of the kids. We didn't talk on the rest of the way home. I'm now here typing this out in the toilet. I just really couldn't take her delulu self anymore and that's why I exploded. So am I the a_hole?
Btw... Sorry if it sounds so confusing, English really isn't my first language and I am still learning.
Update.... Thanks for all the comments and votes... This will be a little update for what happened the past few hours.
I get where I may be an Ahole... But with the feelings I had. Not really possible. I'm quite the person with anger issues, it has died down a bit cause I got some help and also the support of my husband. But there are times where you really just can't control it.
Btw, my husband and I had a little talk about the incident... He said I wasn't wasn't wrong in the part of correcting her, but was wrong in the part where I've insulted her. He was just a little disappointed with how I handled the situation. Letting my anger take control of me. As for my Mil, she called us and asked if I was okay. She did reprimand me of my actions but was also sympathetic of the fact that I was offended by Kelly. She asked if Kelly and I could come over and have a talk. Straighten things out and see if Kelly needs help. She explained how Kelly's actions may not be favorable. But her situation is something to feel pity to. Mil thought that loosing her son, Kellys husband -ish, and having to take care of a child alone was too much for her. Which is why she asks if it would be okay if I talk to Kelly and explain to her why what she did wasn't okay. And if Kelly refuses to listen then Mil said she would have to handle it herself. As for my husband he understands if Im not ready to face Kelly. But tells me it would be the better option. And suggests that we would go lc with her for a while. Not completely cutting her off for the sake of the child.
I'll update you guys if anything else happens
I’m pregnant (having triplets) and in my second trimester, I can really feel my babies move and kick now which is so weird but amazing. Feeling our babies kick is my husband’s favourite thing and I often make sure he gets to feel when they do. My mother-in-law and I don’t have a good relationship, I only talk to her when I see her at family events. She doesn’t like me and I don’t like her but ever since announcing our pregnancy she’s been obsessed with me and our babies. Not in a cute way but a creepy way, I’m serious, she asks weird things like asking for the exact date we conceived and always tries to touch my belly even though I told her it makes me uncomfortable since the few times I’ve let her touch my belly she pokes and jiggles it. My husband has firmly told her she’s not allowed to touch my belly anymore because she won’t respect my boundaries, since she cares about him she only tries to do it when he’s not with me which isn’t often. She’s only done it maybe four times and each time I told her to stop, when I did she started huffing and puffing.
Last weekend was our niece’s christening because she was standing at the front of the church facing us she saw my husband touching my belly. At this point our babies kick whenever he touches my belly. When I looked up at her she looked pissed but I decided to ignore her. After the christening we had a party and she cornered me after I’d left the bathroom. She told me she isn’t happy with how I behave towards her and that my babies belong to the family not just me and she’d like to be able to touch my belly and I said not a chance. I told her I don’t want her touching my belly.
I was sitting on the sofa and I had my plate on my belly, at that point my babies were kicking so I guess the plate was moving a bit. My mother in law noticed this and since my husband wasn’t in the room she tried to force her hand on my belly so I slapped it away, HARD, in front of everyone. She tried again and I slapped it again, harder so my mother in law left the room and wouldn’t come back down until I let her touch my belly. I did not, we stayed a few more hours then we left.
All week I’ve had inlaws call or message me about slapping my mother in law’s hand, some think I was justified but most are telling me I should apologise and it’s normal in my husband’s culture to poke and jiggle pregnant women’s bellies. I’ve lived in this country since I was four and I’ve never seen anyone from here do that to pregnant women. Should I apologise, am I an AH?
Once again I would like to say thank you for everyone helping me in this situation it's kind of a lot worse but with everybody commenting I think I know what I'm going to do. We also will be calling A apple now
So after last night I decided to sleep on the couch and let apple take the bed . In the morning I woke up to breakfast which is strange because Apple doesn't usually cook but I was grateful eat it and went off to work.
When I got home from work I called apples parents asking if I can come over. They told me that's okay and I went over and honestly I'm not really a big fan of her parents but I feel like we really need to talk about apple.
When I got there they greeted me and asked me what was wrong and where was Apple. Explain that I came because I needed to talk about Apple and her recent actions. They seem a little puzzled but then I told them about her friend cat and how she's pregnant and after I said that and honestly look like they knew what I was going to say next. I explained to them everything that happened. They looked a little shocked . Apples mom ask me where she was I told her that she was at work at the moment. Apple's dad told me the best of contact her doctor to see if we can force therapy on her or admit her to a psychiatric hospital
This is my girlfriend of 12 years wife of 9 and honestly I hate to see her go there but it will help. I'm going to stay with her until she gets out and if her actions haven't changed I will divorce.
I also spoke to Cat and Cats toy and explain to them everything surprisingly that was happy that she was getting help and didn't seem to have any hate for her even though Apple was being absolutely absurd to her.
We dropped off at Apple at the psychiatric hospital closest to us and she checked herself in willingly I was honestly surprised she didn't but I feel like if her parents weren't there she wouldn't have.
Thank you everyone for your support and kindness if anything big happens I will update until then goodbye and thank you
I (38 NB) have been with my husband (33 M) for about 12 years, 7 years married. We have been a wonderful pair and have always tried to work on communicating our wants/needs. We work together on household stuff and try to make sure it's divided evenly. Shortly after we got married, he lost his job. At the time, I didn't really care about it. I have a full time job, I made enough money to pay the bills. Time has gone on and have had discussions with him about his being unemployed. Nothing has changed and I have just kept going. But yesterday was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was doing the calculations for bills and I was confronted by the fact that I was left with $16. It's Christmas time, and I will barely have enough to help us continue on. I was just thinking "I have been working and holding up our house without his help. We're so broke, struggling at every turn and haven't seen anything out of him. What the hell are we even doing together anymore?"
This led me to spiral into thinking "if he doesn't have a job in 8 months, I think we need to separate."
WIBTAH if I waited until after the holidays to tell him this? AITAH for even thinking about leaving him for not having a job?
Edit: I don't know if it matters but he also doesn't have a driver's license and has done nothing to try and get one.
So i (M18) am a native canadian, not gonna say tribe, i was born native, i dont practice but i do join in events, support others, and enjoy alot of the not religious parts.
So a while back i bought these beautiful hand beaded earrings, they are my tribes colors, and are dream catchers, and if you saw these colors on a dreamcatcher in my area you would instantly think about my people.
For reference i am as pale as can possibly be, my hair is brown but gets very light in summer and i dont tan at all. Ive been described as grabbed straight outta Europe, or all colonizer genes, i find this funny and i make these jokes to.
So i wore my beautiful earings on a day out with friends, one girl invited her sister, whom i had never met till that day, she was gparing at me occasionally but i shrugged it off as shes just weird.
Eventually one of my friends asked about my earings, and i started by saying their hand made, before i could get anything else out friends sister starts going off about how its disrespectful to copy native art if youre not native, and how i should throw the earings out because i was insulting the tribe, and my racism was showing, that their culture isnt my accessory.
I sat there listening, her sister kept subtly whispering for her to shut up, stop talking, but she just kept going, eventually friend practically yelled "would you shut up hes native!" Trying to stop her sisters ramt.
She finally stopped, and said "but hes white!" I smiled, took a sip of my pop and said "ahh colonization, a funny thing isnt it", her face went red and she got up and left, things went back to normal. But she recently sent me a text telling me i should have told her i was native when we met, or stopped her rant myself and that i was an asshole for not stopping her sooner.
So, reddit am i the asshole?
Edit: im going to add this, for someone who asked, no im not white passing because many generations chose to marry white people willingly, ill leave that there
And secondly, the reason i thought i could be in the wrong was because of my response, or not stopping her sooner, or not asking why she was glaring because apparently as i know now she was glaring because of the earings and had i just asked her id have known thats why and would have cleared the whole thing up ahead of time.
Also to everyone pointing out my name, i created this account when i was 16 to get help with an english paper, got that help, havent used it for that since because im not in high school anymore and in uni i dont have to take english classes, welcome to my edits believe my story or dont i just came to find out if i was an asshole.
Edit 2: someone went looking through my comments and posts, yes im a transgender man, so yes past posts refernce me as a girl, and yes i use ancestry where i have portraits and pictures of ancestors going back to 1500s, thats the European side, my father is European, my mother is native, just to save yall time of delving into my post history.
Edit 3: i cant believe i have to say this, yes im actually canadian, yes we use both colour and color, its not that deep
Edit 4: hey so, i might be deleteing this account entirely, not because i hate my account, but because a simple post asking if i could have done anything differently is starting to cause stress, people constantly trying to poke holes in my very existence, or find some fault in my speech, past posts, or the way i write, to try and call me fake, ive had this account for nearing 4 years, but im getting other natives trying to call me fake for refusing to share the earings without the makers permission, and for not wanting to give away the tribe, and its just to much, i cant really believe that people are so invested in hating others that this is what they do with their time, a dumb post from when i was 16 using the word white because i was worried people would jump to drug use, is constantly being shoved in my face, and honestly im sick of it, thanks to everyone who was kind, but the harassment is also just getting to much with people dming me to call me fake, commenting on year old comments and posts to say 'heres evidence youre faking' my accounts not new, but that doesnt matter, im either going to delete all my posts and hope everything dies, or just delete my entire account i dont know yet.
TW Abuse AITA for telling my father I'll go NC if he tries to make me have contact/relationship with my sibling?
A little background as to why I went NC with my sister. Almost 10 years ago, I decided to cut all contact with her. Having her in my life was horrible for my mental health. No one and nothing could condradict her on anything, no talking back, no difference of opinions, no putting anything above her wants or needs.
I idolized my sister growing up. She was my big sister, I wanted her to like me. Sometimes she could be this really protective sister, and other times I would have to hide from her or leave the house because she was on a rampage. I always ended up either pretending the rampages didn't happen, asking for forgiveness and telling her that whatever I did to make her upset was my fault, or avoided being around her until I knew it was safe again. Sometimes it was just insults, sometimes it would be telling me I was worthless, sometimes it was hopes that something would happen to me....
Then there were the times where I would close myself in a room with my full weight against the door, because of she got it open it would be either her hands or a sharp object that were coming for me. Occasionally it was a boyfriend or a friend that would use me as stress relief, with her consent of course. There's a lot more, but you get the gist. I never knew if she was going to be the protective sister and use that side to elevate her martyr status, or if she was going to just unload on me.
My father believes in the bonds of family. It doesn't matter what family does, you never not have a relationship with them. I have my own major issues with him, but this post would be never ending if I explained them. When I cut off all contact with my sister, apart from the one time I talked to her to tell her to stop yelling at our mom because my mom had just found out her mom had died, my dad made it his campaign to get us to be close sisters again. Every conversation had an attempt to lecture or guilt trip me into forgiving my sister. If that didn't work, he'd tell me he knows how I feel, because my sister is mean to him too, but we are family and if he can handle it so can I.
This last attempt I was fed up. I had offered to help him with something, but that would require me to stay overnight in the area for a bit. He was adamant I stay with my sister instead of a hotel room. When I told him no, that this was a boundary I was setting, he went (once again) to my mom to make her convince me. I called him and told him, if he doesn't stop trying to force a relationship between my sister and I, I will stop talking to him too. The conversation was longer, but that's the basic point. He got quiet, and I ended the call a few seconds later.
So, aita for using my dad's want to have a relationship with me as leverage to make him stop bringing up my sister?
Throwaway account for privacy reasons . I’m sorry for the long post and possible errors as English is not my first language. Some back ground story I’m (39f) married to (42m) we have two kids (16y twins m,f). We have a happy marriage we are both resilient people we come from different cultures but we both respect our differences and always try to adapt and compromise although I have to admit that he is the one who did most of the compromising as he is the one who moved to my home country.
My father passed away 3 years ago. My father was an exceptional man in every sense of the word. He taught me everything I need to know about life . My father was a very busy man but he never made me or my siblings feel like we are getting the left overs of his time. It was not unusual for me when I was little to walk into his office during his meetings and he would put me on his lap and keep discussing business. I chronicle events with the reference to the day he passed away.
I met my husband when I was studying abroad and I understand that he was always intimidated by my father. He was still an undergraduate when he met my father and he saw this man that rooms went silent when he walks in . My father was always kind to him and he helped him a lot in the beginnings.
I have always tried to carry out my father’s special traditions with our kids and I have always felt like my husband subtly belittling them. My father was an amazing horse rider and he taught me to ride . He loved boating and taught me to sail . I do the same with our kids and my husband rarely participates and feels the need to point out that he doesn’t see much point of those hobbies . I take the kids on solo trips like my father used to do with me and my siblings. A solo trip is when I take only one of the kids where the whole trip is just focused on bonding without any distractions. He gets very upset every time I plan for those trips on grounds that it’s time taken away from the whole family , bear in mind that those trips are separate from our family trips and they are rotational between the kids and the only reason I see why he gets upset with those trips is that it’s just something my father used to do . Best memories of my life was when it was my turn for a solo trip with my father.
The latest incident is when I told my husband he needs to stop competing with my father . My son is a polo player , his team won a very important regional polo youth tournament , my late father is a cofounder of the polo club where the tournament was held. My son as the team captain was interviewed by a local sports magazine after the game where he dedicated the win to my late father . As you might guess my husband was furious he accused me of diluting his role in our kids life , of always making him feel like he is not good enough to fill in the shoes of my father . A lot of things were said and I ended up saying that he needs to stop competing with my father because no one can be half the man he was. I know it was wrong to use those words but I think his attack on my late father provoked those words out of me . I can’t share this with friends or family as I won’t be getting any objective opinion on this matter and I don’t want them to resent my husband.
EDIT: there are a lot of wrong assumptions in the comments so I’m adding an edit to highlight some points. And for those using vile language or making insulting assumptions about me or my father , I will not dignify your comments by any response.
I don’t see why everyone assuming that I’m alienating the kids from their father. Yes I bond with them in the same way my father used to do with me but I’m failing to see what is so wrong with this. I’m not forcing the kids into anything that we do together and I don’t understand the comments implying that I should be looking for activities for them to do with their father , really!!!
Lots of comments assuming that my husband is isolated in my country leaving friends and family behind and he is losing his identity. Very far from truth ,my husband is a very successful businessman he is perfectly capable of keeping his identity. The kids visit their dad’s home country a lot .
Finally I have to say that although you are all right about how inappropriate to say no one can be half the man my father was to my husband. Knowing a little back story might help . My husband comes from an upper middle class background. We were both students when we met and fell in love. I took him to meet my father and a lot of people thought that our marriage is not a good idea. My father shut everyone down when he said he is approving of our marriage as my father always told me people make money , money doesn’t make people . He taught me to always look down on money as it has no value compared to people . My husband was very admiring of my father , my father helped him to get established here and start a very very successful business. It felt as betrayal to hear him attacking my father’s memory
Long story short, my boyfriend (28M) and I (28F) have been together for a couple of years now. Earlier this year, we decided that we would move in together when his lease was up in February next year.
A few days ago he informed me that he is not ready to move in with me after all. I was hurt by this, but accepted it of course.
Today he called his landlort to extend his lease, but his landlord told him that it would not be possible and NOW he wants to move in with me as he is without residence from February.
So the question is: Would I be the asshole if I say no?
I don't want him to move in just because he has no other options. And i kinda also want to make a statement and show him that he can't just expect me to be at his beck and call.
*Edit: He won’t actually be homeless. Probably crash with friends until he finds a place.
**Edit: Thank you for all the comments! They has definitely put things into perspective for me.I will update when I've discussed it with him
Boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years now and I never want to have sex with him. We are both in our late twenties. I do love him and he is a good boyfriend in every way but I never feel a "desire" for sex.
This has been the case throughout our relationship but has gotten very bad over the past year. He always tries to initiate sex but I am never in the mood and just turn him down or maybe just do oral almost out of pity.
We actually have sex maybe once or twice a month and everytime I feel like it's a chore and something I just need to get done and out the way before I can sleep.
I know we are in a relationship and we are supposed to share a good sex life but I just can't and I feel so bad for him. He himself occasionally jokes that I might be asexual or maybe I'm a lesbian and don't realise it.
But in my previous relationship I was very sexually active. It was some time back, but we had sex very regularly and if I told my current boyfriend about those times he would never even believe me. So this isn't an issue I've always had, but for some reason I don't seem to even be interested in sex now.
AITA for not wanting to talk to my sister after she said I was attracting the illness of my unborn baby
I was pregnant but my baby had a heart problem, I talked to my sister about it and she said I was attracting the illness of my baby... I told her that that is not a helpful thing to say to a pregnant woman, that pregnancy brings many changes and hormones are all over the place, and women tend to be more sensitive at that time. She responded that she will talk to me the same way whether I am pregnant or not. I cut her off after that because I was dealing with a lot at the moment with doctors appointments and basically trying to keep my baby alive, all the while wondering in my head if I indeed attracted or gave this to my baby somehow... Unfortunately my baby didn't survive. Recently my sister contacted my husband about calling me but on my request he told her that I will reach out when I am ready.
I do not feel like talking to her now, or ever again in my life. I am 13 years older and I left my parents house when she was small and we don't know each other. I have been living abroad for over 10 years and trying to have a relationship with her was an effort I do not feel like doing anymore. AITA?
Edit: I think with “attracting the illness” she meant something religious or spiritual or esoteric even. She took a very expensive Tarot reading course and she thinks she’s a witch or something.
My MIL usually sees my son once a week but he had had a cold all week so we told her no visit this week. So what does she do, she walks into our house without knocking, our front door was locked so she jumped over our back fence (locked) and entered through our back door. Our back door was open because our dogs like to play and use the toilet in the backyard and we don’t have a doggy door since our dogs are massive. She tip toed upstairs and walked into our bedroom, I was breastfeeding our son and my husband was doing something on his laptop. She decided to shout “grandma’s here my son’s name” at my son who was clearly about to fall asleep. He started crying and my husband calmly told her to leave and never come back without telling us she’s coming over or else we’ll call the police. She started crying which wasn’t helpful so my husband physically escorted her out, she started saying she’s sorry and just missed my husband and our son.
She gave us a “I’m sorry you felt that way” apology but we decided to just move on, FIL isn’t doing so well and doesn’t need that drama. We were late to dinner and when we got there MIL was in tears and people were staring at us like we killed a million puppies. MIL ran out like she was scared of us or something. SIL told us her mother told everyone what we did, my husband asked what she was talking about since we’d stopped thinking about her trespassing into our house at that point, our son and our lives keep us very busy. She told the family we had screamed at her and my husband grabbed her and forcibly pushed her out of our house. She told people we had called the police. We did not.
Aunt in law came back downstairs and told us MIL will only come down if we apologise. We said fine but instead of apologising we sarcastically apologised and told everyone what really happened and my husband told her she’s not ever welcome in our house. I called her out because she started saying some nasty things to me (i.e calling me a gold digger and a sugar baby my husband is 7 years older than me) and told her we weren’t letting her anywhere near our son because of her bad behaviour.
We left after she went back upstairs, let’s just say our phones have been blowing up. She’s told family who weren’t even there we berated her and kept her grandson away from her because I have a vendetta against her. She put absolutely no blame on my husband, she claims I control him through sex. People are calling me an asshole and telling me I need to sincerely apologise. AITA? Is an apology necessary? How would you handle this situation?
I am travelling around Spain at the moment and landed in Zaragoza where they don’t speak English well at all. My Airbnb landlord is around 65-70 yrs old (male) as a guess of his age (he’s retired). I’m in my 20s (female). His English isn’t perfect.
I spent 2 days in his Airbnb. On the first day, he toured me round the city on foot and told me that the next day he was going to Valencia so won’t see me and he gave me a hug and a big kiss on my cheek. The next day, he messaged me saying he is coming back early from Valencia and we can stay chatting in the evening. The evening comes and he cooked for me and the other woman staying in the Airbnb. Very nice of him. All good so far.
When the other woman/flatmate went to sleep, he proceeded to ask me: “Did you sleep well? Was the bed comfy? It’s ok for one person but for 2 it’s too small…we try? do you want to try my room maybe?”.
His room is a double bed while my guest room was a single bed. I then told him “no” with a small giggle to make things less awkward and I sat on the bed and pretended to play around with my backpack, waiting for him to leave but he just stayed in the doorway staring at me (very small room so no where else I could sit except edge of the bed).
He was being so nice until this. Am I overthinking? I’m rly disgusted by this because I was rly happy to give him a great review until this. Would you have understood it the same as I did? And what would you do if you were me?
Today he messaged me saying I’m always welcome at his airbnb. I’m not even going to reply I’m just upset that he was being fake nice.
Thanks for reading till the end.
I met up with this person at the mall because he wanted to buy my rolex that was for sale. Everything in the Facebook Ad I posted was correct & complete with the price in mind I had. He offered me a different number & I accepted. He had the watch verified with the papers I showed him & it came to be an exact match. Now he's harrassing me saying I cheated him on the watch. We were at the watch store for a good 45 mins going back and forth about the details of the watch. He wants his money back cos he said I didnt tell him the watch was bought in a different country when the papers shows where it was bought. He took pictures of the papers. He held it and looked at it for however long it was. I dont want to give the money back because he already took possession of the watch & I dont know what he may have done to it already. AITAH?
Edit #1: Thank you for all your responses! I havent heard from him in the last 24 hours and I think thats where the story ends. I was just really upset that we spent almost 2 hours for the transaction (public meetup, going to his watchmaker, and finally the bank) only to be called a "cheat" a couple hours later.
My boyfriend and I had dinner with his parents and I was inappropriately dressed, he saw what I was wearing when he picked me up and didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. He thought I looked hot but why would I want to wear this to meet his parents. Usually not my style but I wanted him to make a move, I didn’t feel very comfortable but I didn’t think I’d be wearing it long. When we got to the restaurant we had to wait for the rest of our party to arrive, I asked him who was joining us and he told me his parents were. I looked visibly upset and he didn’t understand why, he kept telling me I looked really good. He gave me his cardigan after he saw his dad looking at my chest. On our way back to my place he apologised and tried to make a move which I rejected. AITA for rejecting him and still feeling upset because he blindsided me?
I (23f) stay with my (29m) boyfriend on weekdays for work and I go home in the weekends long distance. I recently expressed that I wanted to spend a weekend together so between work trips and the holidays, we agreed on the 9th (also our anniversary)
I work in healthcare and only wear scrubs to work 5 days a week. I keep my work clothes and some basic comfy/sleep clothes at my boyfriends with maybe two outfits worth of “dressier” items (jeans, cardigans etc) that I’ve usually worn over there when I return on Sunday nights so he knows his girlfriend is still hot lol
Yesterday he basically canceled our weekend saying wanted to decompress after a work from the prior weekend and that he felt trapped (knowing I would be upset) because we haven’t spent a weekend together since September and had this planned. So we decided to not spend the weekend together. (I refuse to make someone feel forced to spend time with me especially in their own home) I’m really hurt about it but I do understand
This morning when I left for work, I took the dressier clothes that I had there because I simply don’t need them there. I had hoped that we may possibly go out for dinner this weekend so I packed my makeup and planned to wear what I had at his house. We don’t typically leave the house once I’m home from work and we haven’t spent a weekend together in nearly 3 months. He is so pissed that I took my clothes with me and I tried explaining that it’s because I don’t need them there because they don’t get used/worn and he is not currently speaking to me AITAH?