TIFU by telling my girlfriend my “type.” M
TL;DR TIFU by essentially telling my girlfriend that my type was the exact opposite of her. Sad times ensue.
Obligatory “happened a couple months ago,” but realized I fucked up this morning.
Some time back, I brought up the topic of ‘types.’ I mentioned it because her best friend and I seem to damn near be the exact same individual, just of different genders, and I joked that she must have a type.
She took it a bit more seriously than I intended and proceeded to tell me she wasn’t sure she had a type, but she did like it when men were comfortable with expressing femininity, and that she thought tattoos were cool. Then she asked me my type, and I told her that generally it’s been curvy blondes with long hair, big chests and blue eyes. She lightly teased me for having basic tastes and we moved on.
The past couple of months, she’s been asking for constant reassurance. Asking if I’m sure I like her immediately after moments of intimacy, asking if I find her attractive, etc. She also stopped coming with me to the gym, which was strange because she loves weightlifting, and has lost a lot of her muscle tone.
This morning, a woman walked past our car at a red light. I sincerely didn’t notice her, but my girlfriend said, “Wow, look at her. She’s exactly your type.” I hadn’t thought about that conversation since it happened, but everything made sense, instantly. I told my girlfriend that she was my type, she said, “Not even close” and started crying. I have only seen her cry one other time in the four years I’ve known her.
My girlfriend is tall, flat-chested, muscular and has short brown hair and brown eyes. She’s beautifully androgynous and occasionally people mistake her for a very pretty teenage boy. (I love and am attracted to every bit of this about her more than any other ‘type’ that exists because she’s her.)
She said when she spoke about her type, she said she described a vague style pretty much anyone could embody (and I do dress and style myself a bit adventurously for a man), meanwhile I described an individual person she was in no way similar to, but always felt like she was expected to be. She said she couldn’t go to the gym anymore because she’d tell herself I was checking out other girls (I glance sometimes but not egregiously, and we used to do this together) and all she could think about was how unlike my ideal she was.
That one throwaway conversation has been eating away at and completely wrecked her self-esteem for months and I only just realized. Looking back, she definitely did try to bring it up once before early on, and I brushed it off with “you’re perfect for me baby don’t worry about stupid stuff” not understanding how bad she was feeling.
So yeah, I feel like I fucked up. Not sure what to do about it.